Aren’t neighbors swell? Received this bill for services rendered this afternoon. You’ll agree that services such as these are indicative of kindness and charity toward neighbors. However, my only complaint is the clearing of stream-bed objects that snag flies. It’s important to note that I KNOW each object’s location (and I may have even put them there) – hence my huge collection of salmon-flies, wooly-buggers, rubber legged nymphs of sundry varieties.
As Andy correctly estimates, these accumulate hundreds, may thousands, of dollars of flies. Flies that are now no longer available for harvesting. Given this loss, I think we may be able to reach an accomodation. More imporantly, wine, Bulleit bourbon, and good company will surely lead to some agreement on this matter.
Here’s Andy’s letter in full:
Dear Mr Peterson,
We have took it upon ourselves to prepare your Rock Creek fishing beat for your upcoming arrival. Therefore the following bill is being passed on for your remittance at your earliest convenience. We are sure that all of our grueling work will be up to your standards!
1- stream bed branch removal. This was done to save you hundreds of dollars in fancy fish catching flies throughout the season. We feel that $50 is more than fair for this service.
2-whitefish relocation. We painstakingly caught and moved (typically 5 to 10 feet from original location) close to a dozen pesky whitefish from the beat. This service is typically $10 per fish, but due to the amazing weather, we will only charge $8 per fish.
3-trout count / size survey. We also took the time to catch, count, and acquire an approximate size on as many trout as possible. We figure that this was an integral part of maintaining a healthy beat, so the cost reflects at $150, but due to the nice weather, we are only billing $100.
We look forward to meeting up with you as soon as you land at the creek to receive payment, and possibly drink some red wine!
Your fishy friend,
You will surely rest easy knowing that I did clear the random assortment of flies from the stream debris before chucking it on the bank… I did perhaps lend a couple more to the bushes that house adult salmon flies in June. Also, please hurry up with the wine and bourbon as we are getting dry up here!